Sara Sidewinder

Life Like Fiction

  • An Intro to Me and the Site

    Welcome to Sarasidewinder.com -Life like Fiction-

    Watch this video for a little overview of what’s to come.

    And here’s another video with some info about me. This was the first interview I ever did, and I had a blast!

  • No Kings- in Torrence, Ca – My First Protest

    No Kings- in Torrence, Ca – My First Protest

    (Some personal backstory and preparation first so if you scroll down to the pics, I won’t judge 😂)

    I had never really done anything like this before, the closet thing I’ve ever done to a protest was actually when me and other class mates in high school got upset that we were told we weren’t allowed to have American flags on our clothes and persons during one year when some students were allowed to have and hang Mexican flags up in the areas they were eating during lunch when there was actually mini racial riots at our school in which a lot of Mexican students and black students were unfortunately clashing. I really didn’t understand nuances at the time but I did greatly dislike hypocrisy and things I felt were unfair, ban all or none was what I thought was fair. And I had similar issues for religious beliefs, I had a teacher that treated me awfully because I wore stuff that she thought was satanic even though it just symbolized the elements, spirit, and masculine and feminine energy. I never had hard set beliefs and considered myself agnostic but loved symbols and unfortunately felt pushed away from most of the Christian churches I went to for asking too many/uncomfortable questions and not quite agreeing with some things. So, I often wore a pentacle and when told not to have an American flag, helped plan a protest.

    But I lost my fire slowly after high school due to depression caused by undiagnosed illnesses and a lot of me feeling super misunderstood and not understanding why I struggled with so many things physically and mentally. Then I had a few people really close to me that had pretty differing views and I started to speak my own opinions less and less.

    But within the last year and especially recently, my spark has returned.

    I went to the march and rally in Torrence, California. It’s was over an hour drive away but Liz and I chose to go to that rally for a few reasons- It started early so I felt safest. Due to my temperature dysregulation I needed cooler weather and it was gonna be hotter in the IE. And the mini march “Slay the Oligarchy” started at “Sunnydale” High School, where some of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was filmed and that was my FAVORITE show as a preteen and Buffy was my idol.

    We made some fandom inspired signs and ended up putting a generic —No Kings 🚫👑— on the back of them.

    Liz made these and Sage was a GREAT helper!!
    We actually promoted her to quality control inspector
    Drive was a bit long and my air conditioner is broken so with the windows down it was also noisy haha

    Because of my illnesses, I currently can’t stand up for long depending on the circumstances so I often utilize my rickety old wheelchair.

    We got there early and met up at the park and got a flyer that had our route and some chants that we practiced a bit.

    The best chant ended up being “We don’t want no soddin’ kings- We won’t kiss your bloody rings”
    The organizer of this march was super nice and checked on everyone often

    The walk/roll there was about 2 miles and not super accessible, but unfortunately that how public sidewalks are a lot of the times. Lots of uneven pavement or overgrown hedges and bushes that make the journey treacherous. Luckily for me, I’m ambulatory (can walk) so for those moments, I can just stumble up and walk a bit and then sit back down (I am starting to get stronger and trying to walk more so I have hope that can better).

    Short one, but there were some points when TONs of cars were honking and that was kind of fun

    As we got closer to City Hall the main path was all grass so we had to adapt a bit. And Liz was able to film because of the kindness of a stranger pushing my wheelchair for us!!

    Liz is a great chanter lol

    We finally made it to the right block and there were way more people than I expected. We said our goodbyes to the nice stranger that Liz accidentally caught on a funny hand POV clip

    I was SO grateful haha
    Accidental water bottle POV
    Of course we saw other wheelchair users

    We loved seeing all of the signs while we looked around

    Everywhere we turned, there were more people.

    Liz found the music.
    She stayed with the music for a bit lol
    It was constant honking the entire time we were there and it only got louder

    We only stuck around for a little under an hour and then I was fully ready to leave as the sensory overload got worse.

    Here are our selfies for the day!

    Liz was pretty energized by all the activity and collectiveness
    This was taken as we waited for the uber to take us back to our car, 2 miles away. I was already ready for my nights sleep.

    After the long wait for the uber, I did get a quick clip of even more people lining the street extending way beyond the city hall block.

    Such a great turn out

    Overall, I was so happy to see so many people standing up for everyone’s rights and treating people with dignity and respect

    Sending love to all, and I truly hope for the best outcome, in the words of a band I love, PEACE WILL WIN – FEAR WILL LOSE

    Ps. A HUGE thank you to Liz for doing SO MUCH to help me with all of this, taking pics and vids and encouraging me to get out more.

  • Meandering Moments & Messages 05.19.25

    Meandering Moments & Messages (Mmm… lmao) is what my posts with my eclectic and random small snapshots of my life will be called.. I would love to do this weekly but it’s definitely not a guarantee hahaha

    Here’s a look at my world the last couple weeks

    Can you believe that I have been to worse places than this??… (BTW, I was allowed to bypass the long line outside due to being disabled. Thankful for my suffering in that moment 😂😂)

    Just want to run my hand over this, mix it together and just see the separations disappear
    Sage’s nose is just as unique as the rest of her
    I wish I could see clearly
    The reflection in her eye looks, to me, like there’s a sound echoing out of her pupil
    My little sister (as my mom says), Star ⭐️
    I love her so freaking much, she’s 8 months old and very energetic.
    Poor frog, it’s been on a long and treacherous road..
    Outside my parents house, some pretty noises came from this pretty little one
    Connecting
    A guardian on his truck

    UPDATE

    Last week, Liz and I took a trip to see my parents and stay with them in Northern Arizona.. I prefer to drive rather than fly BUT sitting up for the 6 hour drive really wipes me out pretty bad for at least 2 days and causes some pain and, of course, I don’t eat perfect and I push myself to try to more than I should when out there so I did have to rest a lot.

    But I’m really hoping to record the medical gaslighting and involuntary commitment video this week. 🤞

    Sending love to everyone! 🖤

  • New Art and an Update

    So, it’s been a little bit since I’ve done some art. (My art is all done on my phone, and IPhone 15 pro with a copper-tipped stylus and using Procreate Pocket)

    If you would like prints of this or any of my artwork (click here to see more), just contact me on any of my social media pages and we work something out.

    I’ve been in a little bit of a funk since the end of March due to a sucky situation that just got more and more sucky. I’m going to be recording and posting a video about one of the events that really made that time so difficult. Late March I dealt with one of the worst instances of medical gaslighting Ive ever dealt with at the local ER, and I will be explaining what happened, because part of me still can’t believe it.

    I’m also going to be posting a fun blooper video at same time cuz I think it’ll be a nice balance lol.

    And here’s a bonus image that I finished last month.

  • Our Renniversery!

    Our Renniversery!

    A year ago, on April 24th 2024 (4/24/24 for us Americans) I stumbled upon Ren. Here’s a video of me and my sister talking about that and touching on what that has meant to us.

    To elaborate more on my art and the inspiration I got from Ren- around 2016/7 I realized how (due to my body) uncomfortable it was for me to do art the traditional way, and drawing straight lines was out of the question so I got frustrated and stopped doing art altogether- about 6 months after I found Ren, I was talking to a fellow RENegade and they mentioned that they were hoping to get an IPad to do some art, well, for some reason that got me thinking, I just got a larger phone, what if I tried using a stylus and tried out some drawing apps? I knew I could hold up my phone easily while laying in bed so it might actually be an accessible way for me to draw.. and if Ren could write all those songs while feeling like he was on his deathbed, I owed it to myself to at least try to see what I could do.. I got a cheap stylus on Amazon and the next day, I tried to do a quick sketch and used my reference image to map out where to do my lines and zoomed in and out and sent the fast sketch to my sis and bff..

    When Liz said something along the lines of “wait, did you draw that?!” I got a rush of excitement. And very quickly finished my first real piece of art in about 8 years.

    It felt like a religious experience to realize I could actually create something and it not feel incredibly difficult or uncomfortable. I cried before even sending it or posting it… but when I did share it, the crying only intensified. I felt like I had never felt so seen in my life up until that point. A month later, the man himself saw and shared that piece of art on his Instagram stories and that helped thousands of people see my art and I can’t even describe that feeling..

    I could never thank Ren enough for everything he has done to spark inspiration in me and so many others.

    That spark of inspiration doesn’t just stop at art though, something else that he has help me and others with- is hope, is feeling like we can actually take back some control of our health, is the knowledge that we aren’t alone in our suffering. There’s so much, I could probably write for hours but I’m sure you get the idea.

    It’s been an amazing year of art, inspiration and hope and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life listening to Ren, however long that may be 😂

    Sending love to all ❤️

  • My Health Overview

    My official diagnoses (not me having to look up the plural of diagnosis and wishing it was just one)

    • PKD or Polycystic Kidney Disease (Autosomal Dominant with innumerable cysts on both kidney)

    • POTS or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (it’s possible I have the hyperadrenergic type because my BP often skyrockets upon standing)

    • Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (Hypermobile type- but I’m lucky to not get full dislocations)

    • lots of “mini” diagnoses that were more symptoms of the others like peripheral neuropathy, depression, severe dismenorrea, anxiety, Bipolar (misdiagnosis), IBS, ect…

    Highly likey diagnoses (going through the process of diagnosing or currently unnecessary to pay for more testing)

    • MCAS or Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (multiple doctors and many people believe I have this but the diagnosis is just taking a while due to the process of finding a knowledgeable specialist in my network)

    • Adenomyosis (have had multiple ultrasounds that indicate that I likely have it but was told that it’s still mostly diagnosed after a hysterectomy)

    • ARFID or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (this one is extremely picky eating which definitely sucks when combined with physical food reactions)

    • Autism/ADHD (I know it’s a hot button topic for people to “self diagnose” these but if those people want to pay for my medical and psych bills I’d be happy to get the testing done lol)

    •PTSD/cPTSD (read commentary on autism/adhd cuz it applies here too)

    —————-

    I did an interview that overviews some of my health journey in December of 2024

    Some of my story- I got injured more than the average kid and starting having some bad symptoms in my preteen years, the worst being during my cycle, the pain was bad enough for me to lose consciousness and sob just wanting it to stop. I thought and was told I was “normal” for years and years when I was actually mildly chronically ill the whole time. I had trouble exercising for years and I always had high heart rate and blood pressure but it was just brushed off too.. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome all around 2017. I then had a terrible reaction to an antidepressant in 2018 that lead to me not sleeping for up to 7 days and going into an episode of psychosis. I was committed. It was obvious to my family that my episode was connected to my illnesses, even based off of how, if I stood up, my POTS would act up but that would amplify the psychosis symptoms exponentially. But no one listened and sadly, we knew so little of what to do, so I was diagnosed as bipolar despite never having a manic episode prior to that or even having cycling depression. I was put on 5mg of olanzapine and switched to Wellbutrin. I was ok but not quite myself and then it got so much worse.. the next year, during a really bad moment of stress and deep upset mixed with some existentialism, I had a breakthrough episode of psychosis on Xmas Eve of 2019, I was taken back and committed again. This time they went really overboard, they quadrupled my dose of antipsychotic and added Depakote and took away the Wellbutrin. I became a shell of myself and barely remember the following 4 years. In October of 2023 I had lost my health insurance and me, my husband and sister were struggling financially and I didn’t know how I would continue to get meds and secretly stopped taking them in hopes I could wait out and see how long I could go without and then ration them… but then suddenly I realized, not only did I not go manic or psychotic, but I actually started to feel a tiny bit of happiness that I hadn’t even fully realized I had been completely devoid of. As the drugs got out of my system, everyone around me noticed I was becoming myself again. We realized fully what the meds had done to me and we now affectionately call that 5 year time period, where I was essentially gone, “the snap” like in the Avengers movies..

    The only problem is, going from a shell of a person to a VERY feeling person can be A LOT. In 2024 I found myself again but my physical health took a nose dive. I had been so inactive both physically and mentally but suddenly I was pushing myself constantly. I started getting new and worse symptoms, and in October 2024, I started reacting to every single food I ate. We researched MCAS and everything fit, even possibly the reaction to antidepressant and also my symptoms being somewhat subdued during “the snap” makes sense too because the antipsychotic I was on was also an antihistamine which can mask symptoms of MCAS. I was hospitalized in November and have just been trying to find a good specialist in network ever since..

    Stick around if you want to see more and let me know if you have any questions!